Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
