I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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