Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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