It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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