All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
