how can u be prego again
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
