i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
