i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
