Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
