I think I died a long time ago.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
