I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm just crazy horny about you
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
