she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
