And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
