the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
if i died would you start the facebook group?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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