:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
