i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
