What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
