thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
