Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
