i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Drake has all the answers
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
