Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
