A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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