May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
