I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
