I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
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