After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
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