I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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