In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
