there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
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