I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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