Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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