so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
