I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
