Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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