I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
