Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
