Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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