Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
