but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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