I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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