im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
My pussy is not your playground.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm getting married
To pizza
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Randomize
