This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
