I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
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