Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
