Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
