Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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