Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Randomize
