Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
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