i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
