The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
