Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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