you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
