My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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