the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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